


you want a better story (who wouldn't?)

by hissingmiseries



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Foreshadowing, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Psychological Horror, Stormtrooper Rebellion, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9078793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hissingmiseries/pseuds/hissingmiseries
Summary: "Do you ever think about breaking out?" Poe asked, leaning forward.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work in the star wars fandom, so apologies if i get any terminology wrong! also, sorry for any mistakes, because my proof-reading is shocking. inspired by [this gorgeous fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6854509/chapters/15646339). content includes: body/psychological horror; altered memories; flashbacks. for more spoilery notes/warnings/explanations, see end notes.

"FN-2187," Phasma called, storming into the division. The light glinted off her armour and everyone froze; all of them turned, instinctive. She smelled like engine grease and stress. "Where is FN-2187?"

Some of them had their helmets off - little blooms of colour in the white. Reds and browns and blondes. FN-2187 didn't, however, and stood from his chair. "Captain."

"Come with me, FN-2187." There was steel in her voice. It was authoritative, the type of voice that could cut deeper than any Blaster bolt. It made people bow. 

She led him down a small corridor, bathed in shadow. There was a low whirring somewhere in the distance, followed by a metallic crunch: Kylo Ren was being petulant again. Phasma tightened her jaw inside of her mask and breathed hard out of her nose. It was a common occurrence, really.

"In here," she directed, dragging them both into a small room. There were screens on the walls, all black and bottomless. "Remove your helmet, FN-2187."

He did. It clicked and hissed. He was sweating a little and his skin sighed when it met the air. 

Phasma's eyes moved up and down, assessing him. There was a pang of - fear in his stomach. "Do you know FN-4600?"

 

Red, they called her. Because of her hair - she was red like blood, like a setting sun. And because there was already a Double Zero in the FN division.

"I do, Captain," he replied. "Not very well."

She clucked her tongue against her teeth, almost in disbelief. "Did you know she was planning to escape?"

FN-2187 stiffened; his fingers tightened slightly in his armour. "No, Captain, I did not."

"Because she mentioned you in her interrogation," Phasma continued. That was not likely; it was more likely that Kylo did that thing, that barbaric mind thing where he dug himself into your brain and picked you apart, as Poe had described it. Still, his methods were not at the forefront of FN-2187's mind. "Is it true you directed her to Mr Dameron?"

"No, Captain," he lied. Lied through his teeth, shamelessly. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, languid on his tongue. "I don't even know who Mr Dameron is."

There was a pause, and Phasma was thankful for her mask. FN-2187 glared at his own warped reflection, a sweaty, round face, dark as the night. 

"Okay," she then said. "I will consult Kylo Ren about this. Be warned, FN-2187 - you know the punishment for sedition."

He did; he had been shown it often enough. Singing guns, rows of troopers falling into dust. The smell of copper, so strong he could taste it.

"Yes, Captain," he said. "I'm glad I could help."

Everything blinked; the room went pitch black, the screens replaced with a yawning, endless darkness - and then the light roared back up and Phasma was where she was, her armour slightly dulled, with his own face turned towards the ceiling. 

"And fix that fuse, FN-2187," she ordered. "It's been faulty for long enough."

He nodded. He was trained to follow orders, after all.

 

-

 

Poe Dameron was doing his job, hands gloved and busy.

"Poe?" FN-2187 called, pushing open the door into the engine room. The TIE fighters glared back at him, stacked high to the ceiling with one sat ungracefully in the centre. Its guts were out, spread across the floor. Little bits of metal, some glowing like sparks. 

"Hiya, buddy," Poe said, then with new urgency, "Did anyone follow you here?"

He shrugged. Phasma was not as intimidating when she was not present. "No. What'cha working on?"

"One of the TIE fighters got shot down," Poe replied. He had a small torch in his hand; the light danced off his eyes, off the curve of the metal. Some of the paint had been scraped off, exposing blunt grey. "Some rogue ship. I've got to make 'em all bulletproof."

There was a scoff; it ricocheted off the walls. "Is that possible?"

"No," Poe said. "But what Hux wants, he gets."

General Hux was a stern, dangerous face, all hard lines and angles beneath a curl of ginger hair. He followed Kylo Ren with a straight back and measured the distances between his footsteps, kept his hands linked in front of him. He was feared, and he fed off of it.

"Poe," FN-2187 said, lowering his voice. "They know about Red."

"Oh - oh, shit," Poe sighed, a furrow settling beneath his brows. "Did she spill?"

"Captain says she did, but - it was probably more what happened to you."

Poe twitched a little; he didn't like thinking of that time Kylo tied him to a chair and dragged things out of him. "Poor girl. Didn't deserve that."

 

"Do you ever think about breaking out?" Poe asked, leaning forward. His voice was low and illicit, and FN-2187's chest was heaving in his armour.

FN-2187 looked at him, curiously, then shook his head. "No, not really."

"But - you help people."

There was uncertainty in FN-2187's stance, in the slope of his shoulders and the way his lips curled around his reply. "If people want to leave, I won't stop them."

Poe looked up at FN-2187, looked at him the way he always did but didn't say any of the things FN-2187 expected him to say; _wanted_ him to say. So, he raised his hand and ran it through the mass of FN-2187's hair, leaving it standing up in irritated little tufts. 

Stormtroopers don't usually like touch. It is beaten out of them young, that natural urge for comfort - but Poe was an exception. He was warm and FN-2187 liked it, liked to settle into him, fill the gaps.

Phasma wouldn't be happy if she knew, but - she didn't. So it was fine.

"How come you're here, Finn?" Poe asked.  _Finn._ He called him that sometimes; a little pet name, maybe. Something he thought up when he got sick of having to say _FN-2187_ all the time. 

FN-2187, he was with his troops but - _Finn_ made him feel a bit more human.

"I just - wanted to warn you about Captain," he said, but his mouth still felt heavy. "Didn't want you getting in trouble."

Poe wrenched a coil of pipe from the belly of the fighter. His hands were slick with grease. "The First Order don't deserve you. You're a good man."

Stormtroopers don't usually like compliments, either; they do not like attention, really, as with attention comes dark eyes and a lightsaber, crackling red with anger. But - again, something about Poe, the way he quirked up in a smile, the way it reached his eyes. There was something inviting about him. Something Finn could trust.

He knew it would probably come back to bite him someday. But until that day came, he would risk it.

 

FN-2003 appeared in the doorway, an unloaded Blaster in his hands. "Eight-Seven, you're wanted in the dorms."

"Okay," Finn nodded. He gave Poe a nod, one FN-2003 couldn't see.

Poe nodded back, before climbing into the fighter and starting the engine. It coughed and shuddered as Finn left.

 

-

 

The next day after training, they brought somebody in. A captive, apparently. Female.

"Who is she?" EG-5667 asked. Everybody exchanged identical looks. "Does anyone know her?"

"Her name's Rey," Finn then said, the words leaping out of him. Then his brow creased and he froze.

Nobody spoke until RT-9350 did. She was a markswoman, green-eyed and fierce; a natural leader. "Have you met this woman before?"

Finn shook his head, vigorous. "No. Never." It sounded like a lie.

"Then how did you know her name?" CG-4000 asked. 

The air had turned hard, stiff with anticipation. Finn, however, could only stare back at the masked faces and helplessly shrug his shoulders. It had been as if the words had suddenly appeared, spilt out of his mouth like a flood. And then - "I - I don't know."

 

"Be careful, Eight-Seven," EG-5667 said to him after everybody had left. She was a Stormtrooper to her bones, to the tips of her long blonde hair. She did not take suspicion lightly. "People will think you're up to something."

Finn nodded, dumbly. There were things he couldn't explain sometimes.

 

He left to meet Poe again; he was in the engine room, as always, this time picking apart a Blaster just to do it back up again. Poe was like that, Finn had learned - in love with electronics, with the way things worked. He always needed something to work on otherwise he felt purposeless.

"Poe," he said as he walked in, helmet in his hands. "Something weird just happened."

"Always does around here," Poe smiled, casual. "What?"

"They've brought a captive in -"

Something in the room was whirring, a repetitive mechanical buzz that crept down Finn's spine: probably the Blaster, protesting at its intrusion. Poe frowned, looking up. There was a smudge of Blaster fluid under his eye. "Another one? That's the third this week, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but -"

"Did you know them?" he then asked, and Finn paused.

"What?"

"I'm just thinking," Poe continued. "All those - all those troopers I've been helping get out. What if they're finding them?"

Poe very rarely looked sad but when he did, Finn felt all of it on his shoulders, all that weight. It didn't suit him, either: Poe had a face made for smiles and anything else always looked out of place. 

Finn deflated a little, and leant forward, wrapping an arm around his friend. He could almost feel the sadness drain from him.

Poe smiled, this small little thing that unfurled across his face. "Finn, if something happens -"

"Nothing will happen," Finn said, with certainty. He couldn't really stop anything from happening but, hey, he could damn well try.

 

The whole name incident was forgotten. It didn't help to dwell on things: he was a Stormtrooper, after all. There was always something else on the horizon.

 

Finn was about to get up when the lights went down again. Just as fast as last time, and just as flickering, before everything awoke and Poe was rolling his eyes.

"They've been doing that a lot," he said. 

Finn nodded. "Captain told me to fix that yesterday. I should get round to it."

"You should," Poe smirked. "No need to get in trouble over a dodgy fuse."

 

-

 

The week sailed past, strangely calm for the First Order, not that anybody was complaining. A TIE fighter was stolen and plunged into another planet, and Poe was chastised for his lack of success with the whole bulletproof thing. An old couple arrived, greying at the edges; whispers in the divisions said they knew Kylo, but it was a nasty rumour and no one believed it. The lights kept flickering until Finn went to the control board and prised the cover off; not that he had to do much. All the switches were in the exact positions they were supposed to be in.

"I fixed the lights, Captain," he told Phasma when she arrived in the dorms.

Phasma stopped, then nodded at him. The beams above them glimmered in her armour. "Are you expecting congratulations, FN-2187?"

"No, Captain," he replied, shrinking a little. "Just letting you know."

 

"Hey, Eight-Seven," FN-2003 said, catching Finn as he pulled on his uniform. His breastplate fastened onto him snugly, perfectly moulded. "I need to know. Why do you visit Dameron in the engine room so often?"

FN-2003 was never a snitch. Finn learned this a long time ago. But sealed lips were irrelevant when Kylo Ren found you.

"I get sent there to deliver him food," he lied. "Parts and things to report back. P- Mr Dameron isn't allowed to leave the engine room, you know that."

"Yes," FN-2003 said. If his mask wasn't on, there'd be suspicion written all over him. "I know."

Finn turned to go - his palms were beginning to sweat - but then something caught his eye and he stopped, turning himself back around. There were three red stripes down the front of FN-2003's helmet, rusty and bold, dissipating at the edges.

"There's - something on your helmet," Finn pointed out. FN-2003 jolted a little, then took off his helmet. He had an interchangeable face, shielded by crops of black hair.

"Damn," the trooper said. "Better get that cleaned off. Before Captain sees."

 

-

 

Sometimes he wondered if Poe ever got sick of him, showing up constantly at his workplace. He tried to bring food sometimes but it was often too risky, and maps of the Base were basically unachievable. He'd just bring himself, tired and worn after a long day, to Poe's grease-stained hands.

"I don't mind," Poe said one day, when Finn raised his concerns. "I like the company. It gets boring when you're in here all day, by yourself."

Finn smiled. "I'd bring you something else if I could, but -"

Poe stopped, and placed his hand on top of Finn's, gentle like he always was. He left greasy fingerprints that smelt ghastly. "You don't need to. You're more than enough."

 

One week, though, Poe did an exceedingly good job patching up one of the laser canons, and was rewarded with food that Finn had never seen before. It was more colourful and pungent than anything he had ever seen, anything that had ever made his stomach grumble in want.

And Poe, being the person he was, split it in half and practically shoved half of it into Finn's hands. "Eat," he ordered. He sounded like Phasma. "It's good."

It _was_ good. It exploded across his tongue, this weird sharpness and sweetness.

"Any more news on that person they brought in?" Poe asked between bites, words muffled. 

Finn shook his head, before pausing as he remembered the things that had bled through the cracks of the dorm walls. Stormtroopers gossiped like old women, frequent and shameless. And dangerously loud. "A girl. A scavenger, apparently? I really shouldn't be talking about it."

"It's alright," Poe leapt to reassure him. "Just - wanted to make sure they're not finding runaways."

"Like I said," Finn remarked. "They won't."

 

He was - exhausted, to be honest. Hux had made them train for hours and then Phasma had appeared and ordered them to carry on for even longer, so by the time they were done, barely anybody could walk with the numbness in their limbs. Finn's back hurt especially - it ached like mad, made him feel old or crippled.

"Kip in here, if you like," Poe suggested, brow creasing. "I'd give you a blanket or something if I had one."

Finn thanked him and curled up on the floor, peeling off his armour, his shirt and trousers sticking to his body with layers of congealing sweat. He must have smelt foul. The floor was cold on his skin, and it sent shivers up and down his spine. 

Poe gave him his jacket - this old, faded thing.

"Thank you," Finn smiled, pulling his arms into the sleeves. "It's very comfy."

"I know," Poe replied. "I've had it for years."

He struggled to sleep, though; he couldn't get comfortable, no matter which position he assumed, how much he tossed and turned. Lying on his back was the worst - every time he tried, he found himself choking, unable to breathe right like there was something stuck in his throat. Then he'd cough and sit up and his back would ache some more.

Poe was concerned, but shrugged casually. "Just lie on your front."

 

-

 

Night approached and so did EG-2222, his blonde curls tied back in a bun. 

"Heard anything more about your best friend?" he asked, smirking a little.

Finn frowned, his mind immediately going to Poe. "Who's my best friend?"

"The scavenger girl that got brought in," EG-2222 replied; he had a snarky face, curled up on one side in a permanent smirk. "People are saying Kylo got her. Did that - thing he does."

"She's not my -" Finn started, confused. "People say a lot. Doesn't mean it's true."

"You definitely know something. Captain will find out soon enough, if Triple Eight doesn't."

"I don't know anything." There was a lump buried somewhere in Finn's throat, making his words sound guttural. "I don't know what you're talking about."

 

He had dinner with Poe on the Thursday, after escaping Phasma's classes; all of the AJ division had to go to training, learning how to heal lightsaber wounds which seemed very advanced, considering only Kylo had one. They sat cross-legged on the floor, sharing this weird bread-thing than ballooned when you put it in water. Things were different, though - the atmosphere was jaded, slightly off. Poe had this distant look in his eyes that made it look like he was thinking about something else.

Finn asked what was wrong, and Poe blinked, slowly.

"That captive," he replied. "The girl they brought in. She escaped."

That caught his attention: Finn looked up, nearly choking on his food. "She _what_? How?"

"She told me that - she fought him off," Poe said. "She managed to block that mind thing he does. I know, right? It's mad. But she ran in here, in a bit of a tizz, and asked for help."

"Just like that?" Finn frowned. "Without anyone seeing her?"

Poe nodded, a glimmer to his eye. "She's very fast."

 

She was short and draped in grey clothes, with her hair twisted into three buns. There was a feline curve to her eyes, freckles dusted across her nose. People would have looked at her and thought:  _soft._ Finn quickly learnt that they couldn't have been more wrong.

She appeared like a firework; sudden and explosive. In the doorway. Finn thought it was Phasma at first and he nearly had a heart attack, but then his eyes adjusted and there she was, smirking a little in curiosity.

"Rey," Poe grinned when he saw her, and Finn's eyebrows flew up in - recognition? "This is Finn. Finn, Rey. He's a -"

"Engineer," Finn interjected, immediately. Poe gave him a sideways look but didn't question him; he wasn't in his uniform, at least. _If she knew I was a Stormtrooper, she wouldn't trust me_ , he thought, and Poe seemed to settle, as if he'd heard him. "I'm an engineer too."

"Nice to meet you," Rey smiled, holding out her hand. He shook it, tentative. "I need your help."

 

"She wants us to break her out," Poe said. He kept his voice low and quiet, like always; god knows who could be listening.

Rey looked between them, arms crossed in front of her chest.

Finn nodded. "I guessed as much."

 

-

 

Phasma must have sniffed a rat because the next three days were prohibited; she stationed Finn in the cloakroom and put him on cleaning duty. He was sat on a box, crouching over so his back started to hurt again, polishing people's armour in tight circles for so long it sent him dizzy. He stood up to pull AJ-6839's helmet from its hook and he stumbled slightly, head spinning, and as he fell he thought he heard Rey's voice saying,  _We'll see each other again._ He listened, harder, and heard something along the lines of  _I believe that. Thank you, my friend_. But that was ridiculous, because Rey was nowhere near him. Then his head started to hurt, this pulsating thing near the front of his skull and he shook himself. He was bitterly, bitterly tired.

 

"Rey's not gone already, has she?" he asked when he ploughed into the engine room. Poe removed his head from the inside of a T-47 Airspeeder and blinked.

"No, of course not," he said. "I'm not a miracle worker, Finn."

 

He slept there again, the exhaustion seeping out of him until Poe nudged him awake as the warning bell rung - curfew was approaching. He'd had a restless sleep, apparently, writhing around like a serpent. His trousers were creased and his shirt had ridden up his torso, revealing stretches of skin.

"That looks nasty," Poe remarked. He was crouched beside Finn, holding the white helmet; it looked alien in such hands. "When did you get that?"

"Get what?" Finn asked, craning his neck to look down. Poe was pointing at his back. "Where?"

Poe took his shoulders gently, budged him over to the stripped side of the Airspeeder that threw his reflection back at him. Finn stared and twisted and then he saw it: a long, pale stripe down the centre of his back, stretching down from his neck to the tops of his thighs. It looked - unnatural, like it wasn't supposed to be there.

"I don't know," he swallowed. "Blaster must have skimmed me."

 

Rey had an amazing memory, it turned out, and when she wasn't living in the shadows she was with Poe, drawing out a map on a piece of paper. At first Finn thought it was Starkiller Base but then he saw the other circles labelled, and realised that she was feverishly drawing out the galaxy.

"Where do you want to go?" Finn asked, peering over Poe's shoulder; his uniform was in a pile outside, away from Rey's eyes. 

Rey looked up at him, eyes wide and shiny. "Jakku."

Finn drew his eyebrows together, looking back to Poe. "Never heard of it."

"I have," Poe said. "Don't know where from, but - it sounds familiar."

 

The engine room floor became his second home; though the floor was never comfortable, it was near Poe and Rey and that was enough to calm him. He slept so deeply one day that he nearly missed the curfew bell, but then he jolted awake because he had that weird clenching in his chest, the one that makes you feel like you're falling. 

Rey was eating an apple and Poe had a droid in front of him, orange-and-white. It beeped harshly when he reached up and pulled its antenna.

"He's awake," Rey commented when she saw Finn move. "Finally."

Poe glanced over and grinned. "Lazy bones."

"Sorry," Finn stirred, rubbing his eyes. "Has anyone come looking for me?"

Rey frowned at Poe, a question in the dip of her eyebrows, but Poe was effortlessly cool and just shook his head. "No, nobody. It's been a slow work day, only this needs fixing." He gave the droid a playful shove and it rolled forward, then back into his waiting arms. It spat out tuneless beeps, like it was speaking.

"How's the map going?" The roll of paper was by the droid's front, limp on the floor. "Found a route yet?"

"Not one that wouldn't get us seen," Poe replied. "But I guess I could do the usual. Take it out for a test-fly and stuff you into the back seat."

Rey's eyes lit up. "Sounds fun."

Finn looked between them, ignoring the flare of something in the pit of his gut and shook his head. "Haven't they got suspicious yet? You take a lot of 'test-flies'."

"I'm an electrician," Poe shrugged. "It isn't unordinary."

 

 _Fair enough_. "You forgot the tether last time, didn't you?" Finn said, with a quirk of a smile; the red coil that anchored the fighters to the wall was bunched up and tied. "You were stuck there, like an idiot."

There was a short silence where Poe looked at him, questioningly. "Were you there for that?"

"I -" Finn began, before biting his tongue. He couldn't remember, could he? "I must've been."

 

-

 

Kylo Ren stormed into their division during lights-out hours, this dark figure that swept across as if he were floating. The sound of his lightsaber roaring to life roused everybody from their sleep. 

"Division FN," he said; his voice was this deep, hollow sound, one that raised the hairs on Finn's neck. "There is a traitor amongst you."

Finn felt the fear on his tongue, stuck between his teeth; it was sour. 

"Each of you will be subjected to interrogation," Kylo continued, looking between each of the trooper's faces. "Do not conspire amongst yourselves. I assure you, anyone attempting to rebel will be - dealt with."

And then he left, as quickly as he had arrived. Everybody blinked, wondering if it had maybe all been a dream, and then the whispers began.

Finn curled up into his duvet and felt sick.

 

-

 

He wrenched himself from the training practice as soon as Phasma's back was turned and barrelled into the engine room. Everything was very grey, apart from Poe's orange uniform and Rey's dark mass of hair, loose from its usual style. 

"Poe," he breathed; the sweat was beading on his forehead, down his back. "They know. They know I'm helping you."

Poe jolted up like a computer glitch. The spanner in his hand fell with a clatter. "What?"

"I just - Kylo, he - he came into the division and told us all - we're going to be interrogated," he said; his words mangled themselves together. " _Interrogated_."

"What do you mean, division?" Rey asked, confused, before she froze.

Then both Rey and Poe went very pale, and Poe, for the first time Finn could remember, looked like - like he didn't know what to do.

 

"We'll figure something out," Poe said. He didn't say it like it was a good thing; he said it like he had no plan. "We will. I'm not letting you die."

Rey paused, considering, then spoke. "It's obvious, isn't it?" she swallowed. "We're going to have to break out tonight. All of us."

 

 -

 

The entire day passed with tumults, with Finn walking around on eggshells, startling every time Phasma's figure walked into view. The Blaster in her hands seemed even more threatening now; especially when they called the entire division in to watch FN-5211 and FN-2003 had it put to their heads. Apparently they'd been up to something, too. It was - weirdly comforting, knowing that he wasn't the only trooper breaking the rules, but then that went out of the window and the fear set back in. The crumbling ruin on his so-called brothers, collapsed on top of one-another, lifeless. The bullet holes that smoked at the edges. It was all a sign, wasn't it? That was what happened to the rebels, to the one who stepped out of touch -

"But, Finn," Rey told him when he relayed the story back to her. She had her hand on his and this weird look of hope in her eyes - "that is what happens to the ones who get caught."

Finn looked at her, a little stunned. "Kylo killed someone today. A trooper - sliced him up his back, nearly in half." His division had talked about it for hours; they'd watched Finn with wide eyes as they spoke. Rumours must have started to spread.

"I heard," she nodded. "He killed an old man, too. People were saying -" she lowered her voice. "People were saying it was his -"

 

And then Poe stormed in, looking frazzled. "We need to go. Now."

A lot of things happened as they rushed around: a lot of weird things. It was like the rush of it all, the adrenaline made Finn's brain go a bit funny. When he ran back to his division and picked up whatever spare clothes he could find, he could have sworn he heard Kylo's voice call him a  _traitor_. That was impossible, of course; but it shook him, the venom in it, the force. It made him realise just - what he was really doing.

 

When he was throwing things to Rey and she was loading them into the back of a TIE fighter, she stopped dead, like everything in her body had shut down. "Something's wrong," she spat. 

Finn froze too, wasting precious time. "What's up?"

"I thought I-"

"What?"

She blinked, shook her head. "No, it's-"

"Rey, if something's wrong-"

"I thought I saw something. It doesn't matter."

He dropped the bag in his hand and stepped forward, closer to her. "Rey, what was it?"

She stared at him like a reluctant animal and swallowed. "I thought I saw you in - like a hospital bed, or something. You didn't look good." She shook her head, dragging her hand across her forehead in a move wholly unlike herself. "Kylo must have messed with my head."

"It's okay," Finn said; stakes were high and all but Rey looked -  _scared_ , honestly. "It's fine, I'm here. I'm not leaving. We're going together, aren't we?"

She breathed for a few seconds, holding herself, before she nodded. "Yes, we are."

 

Poe fitted snugly in the cockpit, looking more in place than ever like he was a natural growth, born and raised in that seat. Finn was to take the viewpoint and Rey had to curl up beneath the entrance hatch, screwed in to avoid detection. It was neither spacious or luxurious, but it was a quick, nimble thing and its cannons had a bite to them. It wasn't perfect but, hey - it had worked before.

It was a step up from the floor to the fighter and as Poe helped Rey up, she slipped and fell back into the -

_The gaping chasm, open and endless, falling and falling and falling -_

"Rey!" Finn practically shrieked, leaping forward to grab her. He was met with two pairs of alarmed eyes, staring at him like he'd grown another head.

Poe broke the silence. "Finn, quiet down. Someone'll hear us."

"Sorry," he said, timidly. "I just - she was falling."

 

There was a low hissing noise as Poe clambered out and approached the far wall, placing his hand on a scanner and punching in a number into a keypad; Finn frowned a little - he'd been in this room nearly every day and had never spotted the numbers before - but didn't complain when the wall opened like jaws, revealing the night sky, vast and gusty and disordered with stars.

"We need to move quickly," Poe huffed as he climbed back into the fighter. "I give it a few minutes before someone figures it out."

A thud came from the entrance hatch, short and sharp. "I thought you said you did this a lot," Rey yelled from below.

"I do," Poe replied. "But - not with so many people."

"You can do it," Finn offered. They were all sweating, clothes drenched; he put it down to the heat. "We'll be fine."

The engine growled as it awoke; the dashboard lit up in red and blue. It hummed, too, this slow droning hum that stuck to the back of his teeth and grated him, and Poe's brow furrowed as he pushed a few more buttons. Something was - something wasn't working.

Poe made a weird noise as he yanked a lever. The beeping started then, paced and shrill and intermittent. Loud enough to be a warning signal.

"This - this is bad."

The hatch flew open from beneath Finn's feet, and Rey's head emerged, her hair in disarray around her face; she'd look almost comical if it wasn't for Finn's stomach, twisting like rope inside of him. "What's happened?"

"Come on, Poe," Finn begged. "Stop the noise."

Poe stopped for a few seconds, eyes wide on the dashboard before he deflated a little. "I don't know what's happened."

There were things Finn always hated hearing -  _FN-2187, report for duty; Kylo Ren wishes to see you; you're a traitor, FN-2187_ \- but that, that was the worst.

He frowned; Poe always knew what to do. "Come  _on,_ " he urged, nudging Poe's shoulder. "You're  _Poe Dameron_. Figure it out."

"Help him," Rey said, gesturing wildly to the dashboard. The beeping grew louder, higher. "You're an engineer, aren't you? Help him!"

"No, I'm not," Finn blurted out. "I'm - I'm a Stormtrooper, okay? And Kylo Ren is gonna be coming down that corridor any second and - Poe, please, we need to go."

It took him a second or two to realise what he'd really said; it took him longer to turn his head towards Rey. He hated it, being the disappointment - hated that moment when lies caught up with him. He knew it would happen at some point. He lied to Phasma with a convincing tongue but then he'd turn away and remember: this is the First Order.

They found everything out, in the end.

But the weird part of it all was Rey's reaction. Or rather, lack thereof. 

She didn't react that way Finn thought she would. He expected her disgruntled face, bitter with surprise or anger, but instead she just stared at him with clear eyes. 

"You're a Stormtrooper," she repeated, calmly. More of a statement than a question. "I knew that. Finn - how did I know that?"

Finn stared back at her; his blood was rushing in his veins, hard and fast, and the way the fighter bent him was making his back start to hurt again. He must have slipped a disk. "I - _what_?"

"You're a Stormtrooper," she said again, knitting her brows together like she was trying to solve a puzzle. "You have been for - well, all your life. You've been helping Poe get people out, and you want to escape too, with Poe because he's - your best friend."

"I don't want to _escape_ ," Finn protested, but it sounded weak.

" _Finn_ ," Rey snapped. "Kylo hurt you, didn't he? He found you and he hurt you, and -" she trailed off, before looking around. "What was your trooper number?"

Somewhere in the distance, breathing began; harsh and filtered, like it was going through some sort of respirator. Finn felt himself go cold. 

"Rey, please, we need to go," he said, reaching for her hand.

She glared at him, eyes dark and piercing. "What was your trooper number?"

"It was -" Finn began, but then stopped. He couldn't remember. "It doesn't matter. Poe, tell her!"

He turned to where Poe was sitting, but - Poe wasn't there. The seat was empty. He looked at the open jaws of the wall, at the universe stretched out ahead of them, unfurling; it was lighter, for some reason. Turning white, as if made of cloud.

The noise was climbing louder and louder: the beeping, the droning, the breathing. It reached skyward, swelled and billowed. Kylo was nearby, Finn could feel it in his bones. "Rey. _Please_."

Her lips moved in reply but he couldn't hear her; the noise was too loud. It crashed into his skull, repetitive, reaching its peak, a screaming whiteness -

 

-

 

Finn woke up with a start. He wet his lips and they tasted like anaesthetic. There was a sound, a constant: whirring, machinery, rhythmic beeping. Everything from his waist down felt ice cold, almost numb and - _cough_. Ow. There was a tube in his throat.

"Finn?" somebody said; a kind voice, female. "It's okay, Finn. You're okay. Stay calm."

He tried to move his head but it hurt too much, so his eyes scanned the room, looking for - a face he recognised. A shadow moved somewhere in the background, rising as if standing, and stepped forward. The flash of orange caught Finn's attention first.

"Poe," he tried to say; a mangled noise came out, with maybe the P audible. 

Poe breathed, sounding like - like his world was coming together. His eyes were wet and bright, and he wore this small, amazed smile. " _Finn_."

**Author's Note:**

> spoilery notes: this is a hallucination/dream had by finn whilst he's unconscious after being sliced up by kylo at the end of tfa.
> 
> title from [richard siken](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/48158). i'm on [tumblr](http://hissing-miseries.tumblr.com) if you want to say hi!


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